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23 September 2009 @ 04:29 pm
`*-; To the love I left my conscience pressed between the pages...  
`*-; I don't know why it hurts today. Why I care today. Why I woke up with my heart being tugged on. I don't know why I'm feeling sick over it today; angry over it today.

But I am.

When I left, you promised there wouldn't be anyone else for a long time. That it was temporary. "Think of it as temporary."

I knew better, but I chose to let it go and believe you. I was proved wrong, not even 72 hours later. Three days. That's all it took for you to find someone new to fuck. That's all it took for you to find someone new.

After four years, you'd think it might be even a LITTLE heartwrenching for you, but alas, it seems as if that's not even the case. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Four years of my life that I did not go ONE SINGLE DAY without thinking of you. Every movement I made, every step I took, every bloody thought in my head involved you.

Now I'm sitting here, throwing myself into things that are so ridiculous that I can't even see straight. I'm trying to pretend like I'm not nursing a broken heart, but I am.

It seemed to be easier not having to listen to anyone come home and tell you how miserable you make their life. How you're good-for-nothing, and how you're this bad thing and that bad thing, and how you ruin everything you touch. It seemed easier, and it is. It's great not to have to come home and have someone scold me for my own existence.
But it's hard when I think that you could replace me in almost literally a heartbeat. 72 hours is the critical period for someone in ICU. Apparently, it is also the critical period for someone whose just broken up with their girlfriend who they "love" of four years. QUICK, find someone new to fuck! ONOEZ.

Don't tell me that I'm stupid when I ask if you miss me, because I know that you're lying to spare my feelings. We're not even together anymore and you still tell me how miserable I made your life. How terrible I was, because I was there. Because I loved you. Because I wanted to make it work.

I hope that you know that one day she's going to find out about your intense anger. You're going to snap on her just like you did to me, and if she is a smart girl, she won't stand around waiting for you to love her again. Because you hold a grudge, and once your mind is made up - it's made up.

I also hope that you know you're being asinine. If you think some 18 year old piece of shit whore is going to love you after three days, you're a fucking bloody moron. Even more so if you think you can love someone that quickly.

Despite that I want the best for you, I want you to take a step back and see what kind of idiocy is at hand here. I also want you to know how much it hurts me that you really don't care at all. You're not doing anything wrong, right? Well then, neither am I.

Hey tear catcher, that's all that you are.
Ever were,
From the start.